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Rollercoasters
With a house this size, your guards will need inventive ways to get from A to B. Cast * Sam Yao * Maxine Myers * Jamie Skeet * Natasha Crasher * Alice Aforethought * Over Dalimit * Verta Plot Buckingham Palace You’re off to Buckingham Palace to visit HRH Jamie Skeete, who has some valuable information for you. That's Hunger As you open the gates, you’re met by the Queen’s Guard, who have all gone grey. Luckily your bacon is saved by an all-female roller-derby team. Queen's Garden Party Problem Introductions are cut short as you’re summoned to help take out a tea party's worth of grey guests that have just been unleashed from the wine cellar. Stay Low Roller derby tactics seem to work pretty well against the undead. They're Pouring In You meet Jamie in the throne room and escape to safety as the roller girls cover your back. Ice Cream Cone Tower Maxine helps with the battle tactics and you take the opportunity she creates to close the gates so Jamie can show you some regal hospitality. Transcript SAM YAO: Runner Five, report to - JANINE DE LUCA: Think before you speak, Mister Yao. SAM YAO: Yeah. Force of habit, sorry. MAXINE MYERS: Old habits die hard. SAM YAO: Not unlike zombies! Alright, guys, given what you’ve been up to lately, today should be a doddle. MAXINE MYERS: Should he be saying that out loud? SAM YAO: You’re going to go with Maxine to petition His Majesty, the King. MAXINE MYERS: Sam! SAM YAO: Oh, come on. How often do I get to say that? JANINE DE LUCA: Runner Three has decided not to accompany you on the mission today. SAM YAO: Because Jamie sort of beat him up? MAXINE MYERS: Because Simon almost got the children Jamie takes care of killed! Whoa, you know, that stuff – it doesn’t have to be your own kid to feel it. SAM YAO: Well, yeah. I mean, no one’s defending Simon. JANINE DE LUCA: I would certainly hope not. At the moment functionally immortal and immune to zombie bite, Runner Three is of operational use to us as a scout. He will be performing reconnaissance today, and returning with an update from Tony. Meanwhile, you will indeed be visiting Buckingham Palace. I’ve been in radio contact with our King, who suggests he has some information which might be best communicated personally. As we know Moonchild is trying to find you, you’ll be radio silent until Jamie gives us the all-clear. MAXINE MYERS: The palace! Should I wear a hat? SAM YAO: Yeah, you could. Something big. Maybe with feathers? JANINE DE LUCA: No, you should wear your usual running equipment! SAM YAO: It’s quiet out right now, but that won’t last long. Keep up a good pace until you’re sure you’re safe. All clear, and off you go! Oh yeah, and uh, bring me an ashtray from the palace? Or you know, a pen? A mug? Oh, I don’t know, a crown, if there’s one lying around. MAXINE MYERS: Five, there isn’t often time to say this, so uh, thank you. Whatever you expected when you boarded that helicopter for Abel, it can’t have been this. And when I supervised your running training, I never thought you’d be saving our lives so many times. Here’s the uh, the Victoria monument, and the palace and the parade ground. Oh, you know, I hadn’t expected so many sand bags and burned out cars and abandoned tanks. scrapes along ground Help me with the gate, Five. It looks like someone ran into it with a truck, maybe two or three times. There. Sam was right, this really was easy! moan Uh oh. If we make it back, don’t tell him I said that! Oh my God. Are those Queen’s Guards, with the red coats, and the black fur hats, and the rotting faces and the shambling gait? NATASHA CRASHER: Oi! You lot! Run for the main doors, we’ll block for you! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Get down. splatters Nice hit, Tasha! Got him from behind. MAXINE MYERS: Those women – they hit that zom like a cannon ball! Oh my. Five, they’re on rollerskates! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: And you aren’t, so pick up the pace. You’ve got what’s left of the guard and a few dead tourists with cameras behind you. Move! BOOTS WALKEN: If we block those two guards, we’ll be clear to the doors. Even dead, these lads do their duty. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: That’s not duty, that’s hunger. Sod off, lobster boy! splatters MAXINE MYERS: They’re going to cut us off. Run, Five! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Get in and bar that door. Alright, state your business. MAXINE MYERS: Oh, we’ve been um, summoned by Jamie, His Majesty. I am Doctor Maxine Myers of Abel Township. This is Runner Five - NATASHA CRASHER: Five Still Alive and Doc Max? King Jay told us all about you lot. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: We’re the Blackpool Rollercoasters, twice UK roller derby champs. MAXINE MYERS: Roller derby? NATASHA CRASHER: That’s what the skates are for. BOOTS WALKEN: Came down for an exhibition bout, didn’t we? Got stranded by the zoms. And King Jay’s last lot of guards all got mind-controlled. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: But we all seem to be immune. MAXINE MYERS: Any of you ever um, enjoy that energy drink, uh, CeretinPlus? BOOTS WALKEN: Nah. We don’t believe in performance-enhancing drugs. NATASHA CRASHER: So, yeah. The palace is great for derby bouts. Wooden floors, you can use the wainscot for rail kicks. BOOTS WALKEN: Just had to roll up the carpets. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: I’m Alice Aforethought, captain. This is Natasha Crasher. NATASHA CRASHER: Hiya! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: That’s Boots Walken, Modesty Bruised, Marsha Drillin, Vetica Hell, Dinah Disorderly, and Mona McKiltwhistle. JAMIE SKEET: Oi! Little help up here? ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: And the rest of us are upstairs. Come on, hurry. BOOTS WALKEN: We have a bit of a Queen’s garden party problem just now. NATASHA CRASHER: As in, a lot of guests got bitten at her last one. Some idiot locked them in the wine cellar. BOOTS WALKEN: Maybe they were supposed to starve to death. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: When they were already dead? BOOTS WALKEN: Anyway, Alice went looking for a nice Merlot - NATASHA CRASHER: - which was silly, because we’ve got gallons of Newcastle. BOOTS WALKEN: They’re pretty angry. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Don’t blame them. Last they ate was probably watercress sandwiches and cake with sugared violets on top. NATASHA CRASHER: Ooh, and those little tarts with caramelized onion and feta. BOOTS WALKEN: I love those. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Yes, yes. So, there’s zoms loose in the palace. We’ve got to stop them. Boots, Mona, out front and skate pivot, and let’s see some speed. Doc, Five, Natasha will block for you, but you’ve got to run. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Verda, how many hostiles? OVERDA LIMIT: At least a dozen. Eight or so have made it to the green drawing room and they’re working on the door. NATASHA CRASHER: They’re between us and Jay – the throne room! OVERDA LIMIT: And we’re down a skater. Marcella Patella busted her arm. MAXINE MYERS: I’ll take a look at it. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: That’s great. Five, we need your help. NATASHA CRASHER: Somebody get Five Still Alive some skates! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: This is Overda Limit. She’ll coach you through the jam. MAXINE MYERS: Five, are you sure you can - ? OVERDA LIMIT: Right, put these on. Now, remember – keep your ass low, and your stance wide. Makes you hard to knock down. BOOTS WALKEN: Derby tactics are brilliant against zoms. NATASHA CRASHER: Except in derby, there’s no biting, so that’s different. BOOTS WALKEN: Top of the shoulder’s where they’ll bite a skater, mostly. That’s how they got Karen Feeding, our best blocker. NATASHA CRASHER: She tried a can opener on a zom that was bearing down on Mona, and when she stood up from her crouch to hit him in the chest - chomp. BOOTS WALKEN: So we got these American footballer shoulder pads. It’s like wearing armor. moan MAXINE MYERS: Wait, isn’t that Princess - ? BOOTS WALKEN: Yeah. NATASHA CRASHER: Now that she’s gone gray, she looks awful in that dress. Ooh, incoming! Modesty, give me a leg whip! OVERDA LIMIT: See, Modesty sticks her leg out behind, Tasha grabs her ankle, and Modesty swings her out front of the pack with a roundhouse kick. Can’t do that in trainers, eh? Five, we’re going to link arms and hit them together. It’s called a clothesline. Now remember, stay low. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Too many of them. They’ll have that door down if we don’t thin the pack. Hurry! NATASHA CRASHER: They’re in! Oh God, Jamie, run! JAMIE SKEET: I can’t run and carry this great bleeding war ax, Tash! God, you’re a worrier. Oi, Maxine, Runner Five, you made it! Get over here quick, before we get any more dead prats with cake crumbs on their lapels. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: We’ve got your back, Your Maj. You head down the back stairs while we take down these last partygoers. JAMIE SKEET: Come here. Secret staircase. I’m not going to just stay here and wear out the upholstery. We’re going around the other way. It’s good to see you Doc, Five. Feels like a long time. Too long. How are the kids? MAXINE MYERS: They’re doing well. Adjusting to their new life. Carena’s really bonded with Doctor Lobatse. JAMIE SKEET: She likes anyone who let her get her glitter everywhere. Carena. laughs Nah, that’s good, though. I’m glad. MAXINE MYERS: Oh, if only Archie could see you. Her boyfriend, the King! JAMIE SKEET: Yeah. I think about it, sometimes, what Arch would say. But I don’t know if she’d laugh, if she’d take it serious. I mean, it felt like we were tight for so long. So why don’t I know what she’d say? MAXINE MYERS: Well, you know, everything seems longer now. More intense, more everything. JAMIE SKEET: I just wish I knew. NATASHA CRASHER: Jay, the lobsters are all stirred up out front, and they’re attracting every zom in Green Park, and we didn’t secure the gate right. They’re pouring in! JAMIE SKEET: North parade ground, quick! Tash, if you bomb off on your own again, we’ll ditch you! NATASHA CRASHER: Oh, you’re fast enough to ditch me? JAMIE SKEET: Stop chatting and run! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: We have to secure the palace gates. Pivots, set as fast a pace as you can without losing the pack. Blockers, pair up, use your destructive blocks. Jammers, those guardsmen are tall Johnnies. This is a good chance to pull a bean dip and get below their grab. MAXINE MYERS: Natasha, are you sweet on Jamie? NATASHA CRASHER: Sweet on – oh. He’s a nice bloke. Really nice bloke. Really nice, hot bloke… ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: But you don’t feel that way about him? NATASHA CRASHER: Are you daft? That’s exactly how I feel about him. But it’s like he’s sworn off or something. Except you can tell he’s sad about it. There was a girl, wasn’t there? MAXINE MYERS: Yeah. He was trying to rescue her. He was too late. NATASHA CRASHER: Well, I suppose that’s his fault, then. Boys are so stupid. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Heads up! Ready? Go! NATASHA CRASHER: Dinah, Verda, wall up! Boots, give me a backwards whip! BOOTS WALKEN: Hate to turn my back on a zom, but grab my hands! NATASHA CRASHER: And swing your partner around the zoms! Woohoo! splatter MAXINE MYERS: You’ve got to lure those zoms away from the gates! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Too late, here they come. Pull back. OVERDA LIMIT: We can’t, we’re boxed in! MAXINE MYERS: Wait! We can split off! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: What? MAXINE MYERS: We learned this at Abel. Zombies follow a straight line after their prey, but if they’re following two runners who split off left and right, the zoms will continue forward. It’s as if they average the two directions. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: And if we do that, the zoms in front of us will block the zoms behind. BOOTS WALKEN: While we flank them on both sides and get that gate closed. ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Pivots, on my signal, ninety degrees left and right. And now! NATASHA CRASHER: They’re smashing right into each other! MAXINE MYERS: Oh my God, they’re tearing each other apart! ALICE AFORETHOUGHT: Close that gate! Go! Go! closes JAMIE SKEET: Tash, backwards whip? Because that’s not dashing into the middle of trouble like an idiot. NATASHA CRASHER: “Why thank you, Natasha, for protecting my royal backside.” “Oh, it was nothing, Your Marvelousness.” MAXINE MYERS: whispers Mm, could be the sound of true love. loud Hey, your Majesty, want to show us some royal hospitality? JAMIE SKEET: Come with me Doc, Five. You’ll stay the night. Because tomorrow’s your special day, and I’ve got a way into the ice cream cone tower for you. Codex Artefact Evacuation Plan Wow. Seems like the Royal Family`s special branch agents had thought of everything. Shame they weren't at Buckingham Palace when the zom outbreak happened. And that you found this file being gnawed on by a zombified special branch agent. Category:Mission Category:Season Three